Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Difference between need and want.

As a child I read a lot of the Sweet Valley Series, Sweet Valley High,Sweet Valley University, Sweet Valley Kids etc and there is a plot in one SVU book in which Sam Burgess, Elizabeth's love interest leaves her for he is afraid of commitment and needy women. Then later on comes back to realize that Elizabeth does not need him, she wants him.That line stayed with me and as I progressed from becoming a book devouring maniac to a partial shop-a-holic, I always had this line running through me as I went to buy anything. Of course, I never really answered it and fell pray to any sales tactic, i am still happy with the things I bought.
But on a deeper level, I think about this and it makes me wonder how much it applies in our life? We always come across situations and people that make us feel so vulnerable and out of our comfort zone. We act strange like we don't know ourselves, slowly deteriorating, becoming our worse selves. We start living in a cage of self denial and disappointment all because we confused between our needs and wants. Thinking that what we want is something we need and we quit living our life for the deplorable want of that want, that eats away at us.
And as a person watching from outside, no one will want to come close to a person like that And here, I cite the case of Elizabeth Gilbert as she talks about her worst days in eat, pray and love, how meeting David had all those effects on her. He thought she needed him and the more she did, the more he pulled away until she went away herself.
But sometimes, it becomes more of a matter of perception. You care a lot for someone, you go all out for a person and that person starts to think that you need them while you just want them in your life. Sometimes, it is important to make a difference and sometimes it is important to understand the difference.
Just a thought.

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Revenge Theory

Does it leave us feeling satisfied at the end of the day or we are the same as ever?
I have been surfacing in and out of the theory of Revenge for the past week or so. There are movies made on this, serial plot lines, books and then real live human action to watch as they battle it with their conscience on revenge.
There has always been a time in the life of a person when they have been wronged by somebody and personally, I am conflicted on how one deals with it. You can either take the high road and tell yourself that what goes around comes around or you can go out there and get yourself avenged. Drama much?
But then again, the feeling of being let down by someone or something, the situation not playing for you and the eventual disappointment and heartbreak, revenge does seem worth it, doesn't it? I watch a show called the mentalist where the lead, Patrick Jane is driven by a strong motivation to avenge the murder of his family and helps the crime bureau solve murders. MI4 had Paula Patton kill the murderer of her love interest and then there are the numerous Sunny Deol and Ajay Devgan films in Bollywood all centred on revenge.
One thing, we all must realise and come to terms with is that life is not fair, nor is it perfect. It's our actions that make it so. And along the way people will disappoint you and things will not fall into place sometimes and avenging yourself, setting the deal right might seem alluring(trust me, to me it does. many times) but its what you are going to feel afterwards that seems to matter more.
I have been through this many times, in my head, over and over again, why  me? So have we all, from the smallest things in life to major setbacks.
But one should think from the other person's perspective as well. Why they did what they did. And why they do what they do. It is hard to think of them as people but that's what they are too. They make mistakes and maybe you weren't a mistake to them but you cannot berate yourself over this. Setting yourself in the whole revenge mode, thinking dark and doing dark might ease you for a while but in the end you are no better than the other person, are you?
As i conclude this, all I have understood till now is that the only person who matters is you and how you can face yourself at night. Ruin the bitch who fucked up your life or rise again from the ashes? A la phoenix.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Disappointment of being Human.

You pin your hopes and dreams on someone and something and then that breaks you in the end. All that you have thought of, all that you ever wanted, everything destroyed in seconds. What you need to do then is to introspect and think, analyse and re-analyse where you went wrong for at the end of the day its you who matters. You need to be able to stand up there and look in the mirror, at your conscience and be able to answer yourself truthfully.
We all suffer from childish fits, the wants and the needs and we need to differentiate between them, it can be a very difficult task. I have been through this and something i read in a teen fiction came to me once, the lead suddenly realises that that the heroine maybe wants him and does not need him and this changes everything about the dynamics of the relationship. He starts to perceive her as an independent woman and questions his actions. I am just drawing analogy here for this question of need and want always surfaces everywhere, be it in your professional life when you need that raise or do want it? In your daily life when you need to buy that pair of uggs or do want them? personally, it is a good thing to maybe just pause and first answer this question.
But even after you categorise your need and wants no one says that you wont be disappointed when you don't get you "want". For the thing that you want is the thing that makes you the happiest, it is something that can lighten up your darkest days and make you complete or just bring a smile to your face and not getting it will only fuel all your negative feelings and energies. Philosophy dictates that fr every disappointment that we have, we will find something else that will make us happier in and feel better about ourselves. It is the law of karma, newton's third law, the balance of mankind.
And maybe that thing wont be what you wanted at that point but slowly you will realise how important it actually is for you must remember that it managed to break through all your barriers of wants and needs, it ripped through the sadness engulfing you, strong and stoic and it managed to finally pull you out of the dark abyss of desolation.
it will take time and it wont be easy for as humans, although we are presented with a lot of disappointments, we hardly seem to rise above it and keep wallowing in self pity. Cry all you want and exhaust it, do other things that you want to do and just don't ever shut all the doors for that will only lead to a darker night and a darker life.